Monsieur Mallah Matchmaker
by Cloaked in Light
Summary: Monsieur Mallah has his own romance show! His master is his contestant! Can he get the brain to admit his love? or will he lose the love of his life forever? Sorry if you don't like the pairings, they're just supposed to be humorous! ONE-SHOT


Disclaimer: I only own Betsy.

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"Welcome back to Mr. Mallah; Matchmaker!" A loud male announcer's voice ran through a crowd of people who were all sitting on pink and white benches. The crowd was cheering so loud, that if you were there and didn't have earplugs, your eardrums would burst.

In front of the crowd, there was a pink and white stage, covered in pink and white props. Most of the props were either heart-shaped or had something to with love. The only prop that wasn't pink or white was a cupid hanging on the back wall. Across the cupid's chest, someone had carefully inscribed, "May love always prevail." In a very fancy script that was almost impossible to read.

"For those of you just joining us, Monsieur Mallah has already paired two lovebirds. That were previously afraid admit their love for each other." A television appeared out of the wall right beside the cupid. And it showed Mammoth and Cheshire (with her mask on of course) sitting on the beach holding hands with Cheshire leaning into mammoth. Mammoth's eyes and the green slots for Cheshire's eyes glowed pink for a moment then they both returned to their original color. The screen disappeared into the wall. "Next up, will the Brain admit who he has fallen head-over-heals with? (if he could fall head-over-heals of course) Or will he keep his emotions bottled up inside and possibly lose the love of his life forever? Give it up for Monsieur Mallah!"

Monsieur Mallah (yes the giant ape guy) came trotting in wearing a tux with a black bow tie. On a normal person, this would have looked just fine, but Monsieur Mallah was a giant ape. His tux was baggy and looked terrible. The poor team of swat men had a hard enough time getting it on him so don't judge his appearance. If it was possible, the crowd cheered even louder.

The ape sat in a white chair covered in pink hearts and had a heart-shaped back that must have been made just for him because it was WAY too big for a normal person. "Silence." The ape said. All of the girls/women (even some of the boys/men) in the front row fainted. The crowd went completely silent, not wanting to anger the "ape-god". "Bring out my next subject." Monsieur Mallah called to someone behind stage.

A few moments later a woman with chestnut-colored hair a little past her shoulders, in a typical business-woman suit (a black skirt, high heels, a white button-up shirt, black jacket, and a black tie) wearing a headset muttering about how lazy the boneheads she works with are, came out of the pink and white curtains pushing a wheel-chair. On the seat of the wheelchair was a brain in a clear container floating in a pink liquid.

"Right here Betsy." Said a mechanical voice that could only be the brain talking. "Yes, sir." Betsy said as she spun the chair around so he was facing the audience. Betsy then walked off the stage. After she was gone, you could faintly hear her yelling at some poor soul off stage.

"So Mr. Brain…" Started Monsieur Mallah, but was cut off by the brain when he/it said, "Please call me Master. "Only on the job." The ape said through gritted teeth. "Anyhow Mr. Brain, mot people think that you can't love because your just a brain. What do you have to say to this?" Asked Monsieur Mallah. "Well I may be just a brain," stated the Brain, "But that doesn't mean I can't fall in love. And I have fallen hard." Everyone in the audience "Awwwwwwwed".

"And who might this mysterious thief be?" Asked Monsieur Mallah. "Ah, but you see she has also fallen in love, but with another." A surprised gasp rippled through the audience. "Who is she and who has taken her from you?" The ape asked. "She is the most beautiful creature to ever walk the Earth. She was once a villain, known for being bad luck. She is an amazing sorceress. But then one day _he _came along. And _he _made her see the 'error of her ways'. In a way, it's my fault that a boy clad in red and yellow took her away from me. Her name is Jinx. The boy's name is Kid Flash."

Monsieur Mallah briefly looked surprised then he turned to a camera taping them and said, "And we'll be back after these short messages." Of course though, it wasn't time for a break and the cameras keep rolling, producing live feedback.

"This show is for _villain _couples only." Monsieur told his sometimes boss. "You're the one who made me come on this stupid show in the first place." Said the Brain's mechanical voice. "Fine I'll make an acceptation but only because she used to be a villain." The ape agreed.

The ape then reached up to his ear (or whatever apes have) and used a phone no one could see to call Betsy. "Betsy, I have a some-what of a hero you need to catch." He said, "Her name is Jinx, you know her yes?" After he said this he hung up one Betsy. Finally, he faced forward and said, "And we're back.'

He briefly repeated what had previously happened and said, "Mr. Brain, how did you fall in love with Jinx?" "It was when Madam Rouge showed her to me after saying that the young villainess had captured Kid Flash. Love at first sight." The brain said honestly.

As soon as the Brain had finished his story, Betsy came in with a burlap sack flung over her shoulder, filled with… something. Betsy looked like she had just fought a bush, and lost. She was covered in mud, leaves, sticks, and a bunch of other things you'd find in nature.

She dropped the sack and inside was… an unconscious Jinx. Betsy walked off stage, again. Slowly Jinx began to stir. She opened her eyes, saw Monsieur Mallah and the Brain, and, almost, screamed.

"Jinx, do you love Mr. Brain?" Asked the ape. Jinx shook her head, no, confused. "Ah we'll just have to fix that." Monsieur Mallah said blowing pink dust inher face. "Now do you love Mr. Brain?" The ape asked. "Oh, yes, I do!" Jinx cried then ran over and started kissing the Brain.

"Up next, Madam Rouge!" The ape declared as Jinx started to make-out with the container the Brain was in.

By the break was over, and they had gotten the two lovebirds off stage, they had brought out Madam Rouge. After briefing people just tuning in about Jinx and the Brain, Monsieur Mallah asked Madam Rouge whom she loved. Her eyes flashed pink; she blushed, and then said, "Robin, leader of the Teen Titans." Monsieur Mallah face palmed.

Meanwhile in Titans Tower:

Beast boy couldn't find anything to watch. He continued his channel surfing until he heard Monsieur Mallah's name. Beast boy had absolutely no idea what that was about.

He tuned in right as it was welcoming them back, about to introduce the Brain. As the show continued, the rest of the Titans filed into the room.

By the point where Madam Rouge had admitted her love for Robin, everyone was freaking out. So Beast boy turned it off. The Titans, though, all stayed in the main room waiting for Betsy to show up and take Robin away.

THE END!

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A/N Weird I know don't ask where it cam from.

Bye,

Cloaked in Light


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